Tough Love Rules

Huge choice and competition in the marketplace has meant that companies are trying harder to look after their staff and accommodate their needs.

However, being too 'nice' and 'overly supportive' can lead people to under perform, lack initiative and slow a team down simply because you are afraid of conflict or losing them.

The top sports coaches push their athletes hard to become the best in the world. Tough Love is having the courage to do and say what is needed to help people reach their potential. (Watch Reebok's method of using Tough Love at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RszOED5HoA )

When you are afraid to say what you mean, team members won't deliver on time, clients will be excessively demanding and you will wear yourself out trying to be everything to everybody.

You need a dose of Tough Love!

Gordon Ramsey is aggressive, abusive, and 'in your face' - but he does get results. Although I don't advocate his approach, one of his strengths is that he is not afraid to say what he means and push people to reach their higher potential as a chef and business owner. (read his bio at http://www.gordonramsay.com/corporate/theman/biography )

The real skill here is being able to talk straight with your team...without the aggression or intimidation. Here are three barriers that stops you 'talking straight'. (You can watch my 90 second video opinion on this topic at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQGdPIqxhUg )

1. Being overly empathetic
It is of great merit to work from your heart, connect with other people and be able feel their pain...but not all the time! You don't need to connect with people with every interaction - it is too exhausting.

Think a bit more about what needs to be said (the outcome, the message) and a little less about how they are going to feel. Focus more on the facts and being clear about what you are going to say. Over connecting can get in the way of being clear in your communication.

2. Needing to be liked
Do you need people to tell you that you are doing a great job?
Does your self esteem come from what people say to you?
Business is not the place for therapy. We all want to be liked, but it shouldn't come at the expense of talking straight.

Being a Pleaser means that you are focused on people liking you and wanting to fit in. So, you are unlikely to stand up and set clear standards, disagree with someone, or increase someone's responsibilities in fear of them not liking you or talking badly about you.

Give your membership jacket back and forfeit the secret handshake. Worry less about if people like you and more about speaking straight. No matter what you say, do, or wear, there will always be someone who doesn't like it. That's just people. You can't win over everyone.

3. Saving the world
It is a great feeling to be able to solve a problem and fix something. However, some people will always be in need and have to learn to fix their problems by themselves.

Help people to become self reliant by being helpful without being the solution for them. Although it may feel good to have people rely or call on you for help, it is really only self serving as people become less productive and take less initiative.

Be the friend, leader or colleague who isn't afraid to say 'I hear you, but you need to work this one out for yourself'.


FINAL THOUGHTS:
Don't lose your humanity when connecting with people. Continue to come from your heart and treat everyone well, but balance it with clear, honest and outcome based conversations.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Michael Licenblat is a resilience expert who teches people in business and sales how to bounce back from setbacks and rejections. Download his latest book 'Never hear NO Again - how successful people bounce back from rejections' from http://www.BounceBackFast.com

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